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Cedar Point was so much fun.
i think i need to be on vacation permanently.

I should have known it all along

So lately I might as well have been jacking off 24/7. Nothing, absolutely nothing important has gotten done, no loan contracts, no paintings, no cleaning, no gas. I need my vacation, only 3 more days though so thats a relief. Unfortunately the thoughts of what i haven't been doing are stuck in my head. I need to get more productive. I've just been so tired over nothing to really do anything. I don't know, maybe its just the summer and I'm being too hard on myself. Its not like i don't have another two months to do the loan stuff, and cleaning isn't a life or death situation, i just really hate feeling like I'm doing nothing. I have Jess's tat design started at least. I'm making it as a fresco, so i can have it as a piece of work as well. so yeah whatever. I called in sick for work today. I never ever ever do that unless i really am sick. but I'm not a manager tonight and I'm not closing and truthfully the place is starting to make me go nuts. Who in their right mind lets a sub shop give them panic attacks before every shift? I fuckin feel like jen. bitch. but seriously, when did this job get so hard? and when did i care about it this much?
Well tonight is Shane's birthday and we're going to see the Cherry Poppin Daddies so that will be pretty cool, unless it gets rained out. In that case we'll probably just end up sitting around smoking, which i guess is cool with me too.
And i saw him again. Every time seems to get more and more awkward.
And every dream is getting more and more to the truth.
"Not at this time, we could not be. But while we are together, wake up..."

whats with these homies dissin my girl?

sometimes just going somewhere super far away just looks so inviting. by myself, alone to just be free and feel unjudged. i dont even think that a word. but if i were to just be alone, this wouldn't even matter would it? punctuation wouldn't exist. but that doesnt even really matter anyways, does it? i've had a hard time lately, deciphering what really matters and what just doesn't. i don't know where this has all come from either. I mean, what is real? love is real, my friends are real. money isn't "real" we created it. I dont know if its just myself getting older or just becomming more aware of things... but i'm just really starting to hate it around here.

p.s. my art is published i guess.

sweet caroline du dun duuunnnn

just got back from camping and i'm fuckin tired. and sore. and dirrrrtaay. it was a good time though, except for the pooring rain on the last day.

oh how i hate the rain.

where do you think she is?

dear sarah:

you're not a mess.

i can lock all my doors

what the fuuuck ever...... i've just given up on all you guuuys.
jess, yes bike ride tomarrow...we've got to get your glutes going haha.
and then we should get some beer.
i<3bikerides on wednesdays

are you willing to bet your life on that?

there is about 6 black men sitting on my lawn right now.
not even joking.
this is going to be a good day so i think i'll call jess.
gee golly this is turning out to be a cold summer
"..and I'll keep you there so you cant bother me."

i cant believe you work there. of all places in buffalo for you to get a job and it had to be a regular place for myself. what the hell??? i finally ALMOST block you out of my mind and here you appear. right in front of my face.

i walk in and see you. I've pretty much forgotten about you. but not really. not ever. my knees tremble and i have this strange feeling everywhere throughout my body. what has happened to me? i clutch tightly to the one i love..and belong to... but I'm racing inside. my mind is running in circles. forgetting where i am and what I'm doing and who I'm with until finally our eyes meet. but your face inst the same as i remember now that I'm looking at you. is your face turning rouge with the sight of myself? with a different view things are quite different. but not different enough. you stutter and for a few seconds i am bigger than you. out of every moment that i have known you or known of you i have never felt this way around you and what do i do now?

i am forced to have your face ingrained into my brain for god knows how long now. forgetting you is completely out of the question and i am forced now to do this all by myself. again. alone with the thoughts of you. i just don't know if i can do this anymore. if i cant tell you, there is no one else worth telling and that is just something I'm going to have to live with. and something that you'll just be better off not knowing anyway.

This is my confession to you and to the world. take it as you want it.
so i'm a little drunk. so what??
and so i've had to hit the backspace button at least 30 mtimes so fa durring this entyry so what??
i went to nyc for a few dass and now buffalo seems like the wost placec ever
and my brother has his ex gfirlfriend living with us for the time being.

so what???
lets just smoke a doobi and let summer just happen!!!!

p..s i jsut got a bike today who want to riddde?


Sarah...or is it?

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August 2008